


Make Myself Let Go

by andersonblaines



Series: Kurt and Blaine Stories [2]
Category: Glee
Genre: Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Loneliness, Long-Distance Relationship, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-11
Updated: 2013-11-11
Packaged: 2018-01-01 05:26:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,430
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1040872
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/andersonblaines/pseuds/andersonblaines
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which Blaine doesn't cope well with the five-hundred-and-ninety-one miles between him and Kurt.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Make Myself Let Go

**Author's Note:**

> Just as a note: this is not what a healthy relationship looks like. In fact, this is a very very unhealthy relationship in which Blaine is far too dependent on Kurt for his sanity, basically. It is not the base for a strong, long-lasting relationship at all, and I take liberty with that in this piece of fiction.

Ten weeks.

In Blaine's opinion, it's ten weeks too many. He's always known that the distance would be a problem, but he didn't realize just how much it would affect him.

Kurt's leaving this morning, and Blaine feels a whole lot awful. He wants to hold onto his fiancé forever (they're engaged, for crying out loud) and never let go, but he knows that this is neither practical nor possible. Kurt's asked him to accompany him to the airport and Blaine agrees, of course he does, but the way he feels right now, he's not sure he should be in control of a moving vehicle. There are too many distractions, too many things that could go horribly wrong turning around his head like ballerinas stuck on endless full body spins.

Deep down, he knows that they'll be okay, that they're engaged and soon enough, Blaine will be with Kurt every day (!), but that's not now, and the thought of the future doesn't make the present hurt any less.

It's with a heavy heart that Blaine hugs Kurt for the last time. Kurt strokes his back and grips him tighter than Blaine thinks is possible, but it feels nice. Kurt can't let go now, please no. He does though, and he takes Blaine's body by the shoulders and makes him look into his eyes.

"Blaine Devon Anderson, don't you cry, because then I'll cry and I don't want that." Kurt chuckles, but it's wet and sad-sounding.

"Sorry," Blaine mumbles, staring down at the floor.

"Don't be. I know what you're feeling. This is happening to me too, remember?" Blaine nods, and looks at Kurt with watery eyes.

"I'm just going to miss you so much."

"I know, baby, I know. I'm going to miss you like hell." Blaine steps closer at that and Kurt drops his arms to hold Blaine's hands where they hang at his sides. "We have Skype and calling and texts, and we're gonna be okay, okay?"

Blaine nods, and sniffles when Kurt wipes a tear away from his eye. "I love you, Kurt."

Kurt smiles and rubs his thumb along Blaine's knuckles. "I love you, beautiful." He's knows it's Ohio Airport and he knows that people are small minded and prejudiced, but he doesn't care in that moment. He kisses Blaine like he's oxygen and Kurt's a drowning man. He twists his fingers into Blaine's hair and pulls away, resting their foreheads together.

"Go catch your flight to the big city, before I grab you by the legs like a toddler and never let you go."

"I'm going, I'm going!" Kurt says, grabbing his suitcase and heading for the boarding gate. When he reaches the end of the departures hall, he turns to wave, but Blaine's already gone.

-X-X-X-

WEEK ONE

-X-X-X-

When Blaine gets back from the airport, his house feels like Antarctica. His footsteps reverberate on the tiles and the sound of the lock clicking into place echoes around his ears.

He waits for Kurt to call out hello before remembering he's not there. He's waiting for an airplane to fly hundreds of miles away from him, and Blaine feels very queasy very quickly.

This is not a feeling he'll ever get used to.

-X-X-X-

"Dude!"

"Huh?" Blaine says, rubbing his eyes with his hand. "What?"

"I was just asking if you want to come to the movies with me at the weekend," Sam says, sighing.

"I'm sorry, I am. I don't mean to be rude, I'm just tired." It's the truth. He was on the phone with Kurt until two last night (well, this morning), and even then he couldn't sleep. He's gotten so used to having someone sleeping beside him that now he's by himself, it feels cold and weird. "But this weekend and the movies? Sure."

"Talking to Kurt?" Sam guesses.

"Yeah," Blaine replies noncommittally.

"Is he doing okay?" Sam doesn't seem to understand that Blaine doesn't want to talk about his fiancé, who is currently five-hundred-and-ninety-one miles too far away.

"Yeah, he's fine."

"Good." Sam goes silent for a while, and then speaks up again. "And you?"

"Math, Sam. Let's do Math." Blaine turns the page in his Algebra textbook and writes down the equation, purposefully avoiding his friend's question.

"Okay then," he says, deciding to shut up for now.

-X-X-X-

"Blaaaaaaine, don't fall asleep on me!" Kurt's voice is tinny and echoing down the phone line.

"'m sorry," Blaine mumbles, propping himself up with more pillows.

"It's alright, I'm just joking." There's a pause, and Blaine takes comfort in the static. "Are you okay, though?" Kurt's voice takes on a whole different tone.

Blaine inhales a deep breath and nods, even though Kurt can't see. "Yeah, I'm fine."

"Blaine," Kurt says in a this-is-no-time-for-your-lies voice. "Tell me the truth."

He settles into his pillows and stretches out the hand he's been holding the phone in. He doesn't want to talk to Kurt about this. He really, really doesn't. If he lies though, Kurt might worry even more.

"I don't know." It's not a lie. Blaine's been so tired and full of missing Kurt that he hasn't had the chance to think about exactly what he's feeling.

"What do you mean?" Kurt asks, and Blaine can imagine him furrowing his eyebrows together in that cute, confused way and ouch, it hurts to think of that, and how Blaine can't see that in person for nine and a half more weeks. Dammit. "Blaine?" Kurt asks in questions to his fiancé's sniffle.

"I'm sorry, I just-"

"Hey, hey. It's okay, B." Blaine loses at the use of his pet name. He feels tears fall down his cheeks and he feels like an idiot. "Don't cry! What's going on?"

Blaine puts the phone on speaker and drops it next to him. He reaches over to his night stand for a tissue and wipes the tears away - something that Kurt had done only a couple of days ago.

"Blaine, talk to me. Why are you so upset?" Kurt sounds pleading and worried and all Blaine wants is a hug from the man he loves more than anything. Even more than bow ties and hair gel and Bryan Ferry.

"It's just hard," he finally whispers. "Really hard."

"What's hard?" There's a stop, and then, "Sorry if I'm being dumb."

"No no, not at all. And, er, it's hard that you're so far away from me." He removes the phone from speaker and places it against his ear again. If he thinks about it, Blaine wants to take it back, take it all back and be fine. Because, he thinks, I never am. Recently, he doesn't feel like he's ever the strong one in the relationship, he always feels like he starts crying and Kurt makes it better. Blaine knows that this must be hard for Kurt too, and that maybe he wants to cry about it over a less-than-good connection, but Blaine feels like it's always his turn, so Kurt doesn't even get the opportunity.

"Blaine, listen to me. I know it's tough, I do. I miss you like crazy as well, and I want the remaining weeks to be on fast forward so I can hold you and kiss you and make love to you again." Blaine splutters a little at the last one, and Kurt laughs in return. "No, I'm being serious. Of course I miss you. I know this is rough and it sucks, I get that, but we're doing this together. We're both without the one we love the most, and we can talk about that and try to make sure we're both as happy as we can be." Blaine smiles at his beautifully eloquent fiancé's words. "Does that sound okay?"

"Yeah. Yes, it does. I don't mean to be all sad only three days after you left," he mumbles.

"Don't apologize for your feelings, Blaine. How many times do I have to tell you that?!" Kurt says in a playful tone.

"I know, I know. I'm sorry-"

"BLAINE ANDERSON DEVON, STOP SAYING SORRY!" Kurt bursts out laughing at his reversal mix-up of Blaine's names, and Blaine joins in too. Soon enough, their moods are washed away with belly giggles and teary eyes. This time though, not from sadness.

-X-X-X-

WEEK TWO

-X-X-X-

Blaine told Kurt a week ago that the missing space beside him is harder at night. That's true, but it's damn hard during the day too.

He goes to Sam's on Saturday and gets badly beaten on Halo and Call of Duty - both of which he's usually brilliant at. Blaine can't tell who was more shocked at the result, Sam or himself.

On the ride back from Sam's house, Blaine turns the radio on. "Perfect" by Pink starts playing, and he has to turn the volume down to zero straightaway. Everything seems to remind him of his fiancé and everything hurts. The car seat next to him was always occupied by his beautiful and perfect partner, and now there's nothing.

He just feels kinda lonely.

-X-X-X-

Sleeping alone is strange. Kurt was nearly always beside him, holding him, making the nightmares stray far away. Without him there, they return with a vengeance. He wakes himself up crying a few times, the pillows cold and hard underneath his head.

Everything's so different, so quickly. One minute Kurt's there, holding his hand, and the next, he's gone. So far gone that Blaine can't drive there in the middle of the night to seek comfort, like he used to. So far away that a phone call would be inappropriately timed due to the different hours they exist in.

Kurt has Rachel and Santana and NYADA and and the diner where he's working, but Blaine hasn't really got anything. Aside from school and Glee, he's got nothing to occupy his time, whereas Kurt can easily find something to do to distract himself from missing Blaine in the big city.

Kurt _was_ Blaine's distraction.

-X-X-X-

WEEK THREE

-X-X-X-

The third week without Kurt is slow and miserable, and Blaine's having serious hug withdrawals. Tina pats him on the shoulder a few times, but it's not the same. It's not Kurt.

They haven't video chatted yet, but not because Kurt doesn't want to, because Blaine _can't._ He thinks that if he sees Kurt's face on a screen, he's going to lose it big time. It's one thing to cry down the phone to Kurt, but a completely new level of weakness if he breaks down over seeing his fiancé's expressions over a dodgy connection.

Yes, Blaine feels weak and stupid and pathetic, but that's how he's always been. Kurt should know that by now.

-X-X-X-

WEEK FOUR

-X-X-X-

They don't talk as often in the fourth week. Blaine can feel himself getting lonelier and more withdrawn with every day that passes. His GPA is taking knocks left, right and center, but he can't find it in himself to care. His mood is slipping, he doesn't want to sing anymore, and Sam keeps giving him affectionate punches and asking if he's alright. His answer remains the same – "I'm fine, thank you."

On the Tuesday, his History teacher says something. He's leaving with Ryder when Mr. Carter asks him to wait behind. Ryder pats him on the arm and says he'll wait outside for him.

When the class is empty, Mr. Carter sits on the table and motions for Blaine to sit next to him. Blaine enjoys history and Mr. Carter's always praising his abilities. Blaine thinks he's a pretty decent guy, and a good teacher. He has no idea what this is about.

"You're not in trouble, Blaine. Don't look so worried." His voice is level, so much so that it's almost clinical.

"Oh," is all Blaine says.

"Honestly, don't be so scared. I just want to check that you're okay." The question surprises him and he really doesn't know why he's being asked. He was expecting to be told off for his lack of homework and awful grades of late, but apparently not.

Blaine pretends to think for a while before answering. "I'm fine, thank you."

Mr. Carter smiles at him and nods. "Okay, Blaine. If that's what you want to tell me, that's alright, but if you need any help with your workload or what we're doing, I'm available."

Blaine feels ... he doesn't know. This is a teacher caring for his wellbeing, and offering an ear to listen. He feels strange. He engages "dapper mode" and sits up straighter. "I'm okay, thanks. But, thank you for - you know, for taking an interest."

"Anytime, Blaine. Anytime at all. I know how good at History you usually are, and I don't want you to miss your potential because of a teenage moody spell."

Blaine almost thinks he's misheard him. "A what?"

"You know, everyone does it. Teenagers have a lot of hormones and this makes them susceptible to mood swings. I get it; it's nothing to be ashamed of-"

"Right."

Mr. Carter looks at him. "Sorry?"

"Nothing, I was just agreeing. I apologize for my mood swings; I'll have them sorted by next lesson." Blaine feels like he's almost vibrating with anger.

"Good. That's the attitude I like to see, Blaine." He dismisses him and Blaine clicks the door shut. Ryder's waiting, like he said he would, and they walk towards the languages classrooms together.

"Everything alright?" he says.

"Mm-hmm," Blaine replies. "Everything's brilliant." If Ryder notices the way he clenches his fist and the obvious sarcasm dripping from his words, he doesn't mention it.

Blaine doesn't say a single word for the rest of the day.

-X-X-X-

Kurt texts him on Thursday afternoon and Blaine's heart drops.

_Call or Skype me when you have a minute. Need to talk to you._

He makes his excuses in his lesson and heads to the toilet, making sure it's deserted. When Kurt picks up, he sounds surprised.

"I thought you were in school?"

"I am," Blaine replies. "I'm in the toilets to talk to you."

"Blaine!" Kurt exclaims. "It's not that important."

Blaine's confused. "How was I supposed to know that? You said you needed to talk so I'm here. Do you want me to ring you back or-"

"Blaine, stop. Don't get mad at me." Kurt sounds tired and Blaine instantly regrets what he's said.

"I'm sorry," he says in a tiny voice. "Don't be sad."

Kurt laughs, but it's short and not very happy sounding. "I'm not sad, silly. Well, not really." Blaine makes a mental note to ask about that later. "I just wanted to tell you I miss you." Blaine breathes out and smiles.

"I miss you too. A lot," he says. "Like a lot, a lot." They both chuckle and Blaine relishes in the sound of Kurt's momentary happiness.

"I'm sorry we haven't spoken all that much this week."

"It's not your fault," he states truthfully.

"Okay. Let's talk properly later?"

"I have Glee club until seven, then I have to finish an essay for History tomorrow." Blaine shudders at the thought of being faced with Mr. Carter again.

"Oh, okay."

"Tomorrow?" Blaine asks. "I'm all yours."

"I've got a meeting I can't miss," Kurt tells him. Blaine can feel his good mood decrease with every word.

"We'll figure something out for the weekend then," he declares.

"Sure. We'll do it somehow," Kurt answers, but his answer isn't that convincing. "I've got to go save the new intern, but I'll talk to you soon. Love you."

"Love you too," Blaine says, and exhales deeply when the end of call dial beeps.

This can't be happening. Not again. He's got to fix this somehow.

-X-X-X-

From then on, Blaine makes a point of emailing Kurt whenever he has a free moment. At school, he sends quick emails from his phone in between lessons, and longer ones from the computers at lunch. Even if it's just three words - I love you; how are you? I miss you - it's communication. It's important to Blaine that he talks to Kurt as often as he can because the last time they were together but separated (by distance), a lack of understanding led to Blaine doing something he'll regret for the rest of his life. He can feel the same level of loneliness from last time sneaking up on him, but he won't do it. He won't find someone to ease the pain for a while, and he won't accept friend requests from cute guys who compliment him and remind that he's not repulsive. He won't. He can't. To be doubly sure, he deletes his Facebook. Every time Blaine feels like reactivating, he emails Kurt.

He doesn't get any replies.

-X-X-X-

WEEK FIVE

-X-X-X-

Kurt's more talkative and like his usual self in the fifth week. Blaine's still drifting, but he hides it by throwing himself into Glee club and working on college applications. He visits Ms. Pillsbury to get the brochures, and is complimented on how much better he seems to be doing. Even Mr. Carter tells him that he's impressed with his 'overnight improvements'. Blaine smiles and agrees.

Every night, he gets home and practically passes out on his bed – keeping up an act of lies is exhausting.

He dedicates three evenings to sending out packages to Kurt's apartment in New York. Inside are small gifts and letters that he hopes express the love he feels for him. Kurt gushes about them on the phone, but Blaine never receives anything back. Not that he's asking for it – he enjoys giving more than receiving – but it stings a little anyway.

-X-X-X-

It's lunchtime on Thursday when Blaine's façade shatters.

He can't really remember the exact wording that Sam used, but he remembers the feeling his words brought. Shock. Confusion. Inadequacy. Overwhelming sadness.

He's sat with Sam, Tina, Marley and Jake in the cafeteria when Sam brings it up. Their conversation is casual and it's all so normal that he doesn't expect anything bad to happen.

"You've been sending Kurt a lot of emails then?" Sam asks, chewing his (questionable looking) salad.

"What?" Blaine looks up straight away. "Who told you that?"

"Er, I think Kurt told Rachel, who told Santana and she told me, or something like that. I don't know." Sam's munching away like nothing's wrong but Blaine's starting to think there is.

"Well, yeah. I have. Why, is it a problem?" He can feel himself getting defensive and this shouldn't be happening. Tina, Marley and Jake are listening in now, too. He feels like he's under a spotlight.

"No, man. I don't think so. He likes the parcels, too." Blaine starts to breathe out, feeling somewhat better, but then Tina speaks up.

"Sam, that's not true and you know it. You know I love you Blaine, but you need to know this." Sam's trying to shut Tina up, but she ignores him and carries on. "All those emails you're sending, well, they're annoying Kurt. He can't find his work stuff when he needs to because there are hundreds of messages from you, and his phone keeps going off in meetings with your rambling love notes. Plus, those packages? What's the point? To be honest Blaine, you're being way too clingy. I wouldn't like it if-"

Blaine doesn't hear the rest of what Tina wouldn't like because he stands up, leaving his lunch tray on the table, and walks away with his bag quickly. So fast, actually, that he's almost running, stumbling to open the door in time. Sam calls out behind him, and maybe Marley too, but he ignores them all. His feet carry him to the gym, where some freshmen are talking. They look up at him and mutter to themselves before leaving the room.

When Blaine has a lot of emotions at once, he'll nearly always turn to boxing. It keeps him grounded and puts his thoughts in check. Today though, he can't. He sits down on the bench and puts his book bag on the floor, letting his head fall into his hands. Before he knows it, hot tears are falling down his arms and dropping onto the floor. He vaguely hears someone open the door, but they must see the mess he's in and turn away, because no one enters the room further. Not a single person comes to find him, not Sam, not Jake, not Marley and definitely not Tina. For the life of him, Blaine can't understand what he's done to deserve such a brutal verbal slap in front of his friends, especially from someone who he actually cares about. Yet again, one of his friends has turned out to be somebody completely different. He sits and cries for the humiliation and the sadness he feels, but most of all, he cries for the fact that his attempt to make things okay with Kurt has been completely ridiculed by God only knows how many people who are supposed to be his friends.

He has no idea how long he sits there, moved so that his legs are up on the bench too. He doesn't care about time, or lessons, or anything. He knows that he's screwed up and been too eager and now, once again, he's gonna be truly alone.

Maybe it's better that way.

He can't embarrass himself if there's no one around. He can't screw up relationships if he doesn't have any. _Yes_ , he thinks, _it's better if I'm alone._

He doesn't even realize that there's someone beside him until he feels a hand on his shoulder. "Blaine?" says a small voice. He pulls his wet palm away from his face and blinks through the haziness to find Emma Pillsbury stood next to him. He can see how uncomfortable she feels, submerged in the sweatiest and probably smelliest room in the entire school. She's twisting her hands together in, what Blaine thinks, is anxiety. Emma smiles at him and asks, "Do you want to come with me?"

All he really wants is to be alone in his bedroom, but that's not an option right now. He'd like to stay where he is too, but she's come to find him and that must mean something. She must care, even if it's just a tiny little bit.

"Okay," he whispers, because his voice has left him all alone, too.

-X-X-X-

When they reach her office, Mr. Schue is sat on the table.

"Hey, Blaine," he says quietly. He smiles and it's genuine, and Blaine's stomach flutters at the gesture. It reminds him of the way Kurt used to smile at him, and the thought makes a whole new wave of tears spring to his eyes. As he sits down, he smiles at the two of them, and then places his hands over his eyes to stop the tears from falling. There's nothing Blaine hates more than looking weak in front of others. It works for a while, until a tear must escape and Mr. Schue hands him a tissue.

"Don't be worried about crying. We're not gonna judge you for that." His voice is so insanely gentle that it makes Blaine feel even more tearful. It's not just the embarrassment of crying in front of people anymore, it's the fact that he can't seem to stop. It's almost as though a huge wall has been built around his ability to appear like he's in control, and he hates it. Blaine _hates_ having to show how he feels to people who really couldn't care less.

_Dammit Anderson, get a grip._

"We'll wait for as long as you need, Blaine," Ms. Pillsbury says. Blaine nods. He feels cold and alone and beside himself with the events of the afternoon. He's just _done_ , and he doesn't want to have to sit in this room and talk to these people who only bother with him because it's their job. He thinks back to the time when Kurt called him in here and Blaine told him all about his fears, about being left behind and forgotten, and how he'd cried so much that evening in Kurt's arms. He misses being held by Kurt.

Ten or fifteen minutes later, he can control himself more so than earlier. Mr. Schue and Emma keep having conversations with their eyes but Blaine can't decipher what it is they're communicating to one another.

"Well, I'm going to start by saying that Sam would like to know if you're okay. He came in here not so long ago with Will to tell me that you might not be very happy." Blaine's surprised. He doesn't expect Sam to have been involved at all. _But he's your friend - best friend. Of course he cares._ Blaine tries to ignore the voice that tells him she's lying – saying it just to make him feel better.

"Emma's right. He came to find me and told me that you had run off after Tina had said some very hurtful things about you and Kurt's relation-"

"Don't," Blaine breathes. "Please don't."

"Okay," Mr. Schue says. "We won't talk about that yet." He looks at Ms. Pillsbury and Blaine sees her wince, almost as if she understands what it feels like to be made to feel like you're an inch tall.

"How has your day been? Before lunch, I mean," Mr. Schue asks. Blaine understands that he's just trying to break the tension a little, but he doesn't need to.

"It was going fine, thanks."

"Good. That's… good, great." They return to silence, the only noise Blaine's hiccupping breath from the tears. They all sit and stare at the floor for a while, no one knowing what to say, what not to say.

"I've got to go and sub for a Math class, so I'll leave you both to it," Will finally speaks, breaking the silence. "I hope you feel better soon, Blaine."

"Thank you," he says quietly. Mr. Schue exits with a wave, and then it's just Blaine and Ms. Pillsbury and a whole lot of awkwardness.

"I'm sorry for making you come into the locker room. I know it's not the cleanest of places." Blaine learnt a long time ago that if you can talk about random things for long enough, people get convinced that you're okay. He's hoping it'll work this time too.

"No need to apologize, Blaine. I'm doing better with my OCD now, anyway. My therapist and medication are helping me. And Will. He's great." _Kurt's great too._

Blaine nods in understanding, and realizes he feels a lot more like opening up now that Mr. Schue's gone. He likes Will, he really does, but he has to appear brave and leader-like in front of him in Glee, so for him to listen to Blaine's personal problems – well, it wouldn't feel right to him.

"I've been to therapists before," he says quietly.

"I didn't know that, Blaine. Am I allowed to ask why?"

"Yeah, sure. I mean, it wasn't exactly my choice or anything. My mom made me go to talk about how I felt after a school dance that went wrong." Blaine sucks in a breath and sits up. He feels more composed and in control like this – shoulders back, back straight, hands in his lap.

"I'm sorry to hear that. When you say it went badly.."

"My date and I got beaten up to the point where he nearly died and I was in hospital for two and a half months." He says it clinically, without emotion. If he stops to think about the feelings, he'll burst into tears again, and probably never stop.

"Wow, okay. That is bad." Emma looks surprised. Blaine supposes that's pretty normal. They sit in silence for a while, until Emma speaks again. "Did your therapists help you?"

Blaine thinks for a little while. "I don't know. I wasn't very willing to talk about it, so I guess not. I never told anyone it had happened to me until Kurt." There it is again. The pain, the longing, the loneliness. They all hit him like a freight train. "He was better than all of them," he manages, voice catching as he speaks. "He listened to me, and he didn't pretend that he knew what I felt like. He cared."

"It's okay, Blaine," she whispers comfortingly.

"No, it isn't." _Uh-oh. Don't start this._ "Do you remember last year when Kurt and I were in here? When I told him that I was scared of being alone? Of him getting lost in the bright lights and forgetting about me? All of that happened." His voice breaks on the last sentence and he suddenly feels very stupid.

"Oh." Emma looks completely lost for words.

"He's having a great time with his job and his school and his internship, and I'm stuck here with nothing and no one. We're engaged, but, but." He can feel himself going again and he takes a deep breath in and out to calm down. "The loneliness never goes away."

"Blaine," Emma breathes. "Maybe we should talk about what happened today?"

He shakes his head, scrunches his eyes shut for a few moments and then talks in hushed tones. "I think I'd like to go home, if that's okay."

"I can't actually let you leave, Blaine." His face falls. "But, if you were to go through my door whilst my back was turned, and exit the school through the door in the janitor's closet, that would be fine." She winks at him, and he returns her kindness with a small smile.

"Thank you, I appreciate it."

"Sure. I'll let Will know you won't be in Glee today. And Blaine?" He turns around, hand on the doorknob. "Come talk to me whenever, okay? Or if not me, someone. Don't keep it all bottled up."

"I will," he replies, and then runs to his car. He drives away without even thinking and goes home to an empty house. His parents are at work, and they won't be back until about eight. It's currently one pm, and Blaine just wants to sleep.

-X-X-X-

Blaine's woken by the sound of his phone vibrating against his pillow. He blinks his eyes open groggily and reaches around for it, touching his lamp to find some light. On the screen is Kurt's face, ringing him. He glances at the time – _4:51_ – and decides to let it ring out this time. He's not sure what to say to Kurt, or if he wants to talk to him at all, even. The emotions from earlier come flooding back and he sniffles, loudly. His phone stops vibrating and Blaine lets his head fall back onto the pillow with a thud, staring intently at the ceiling.

Less than a minute later, a text from Kurt comes through. It's only now that Blaine realizes he seems quite determined to talk to him, as there are seven missed calls and five texts, spaced out over the course of the past hour.

_I'm worried about you. Please, call me back as soon as you can._

_I want to hit Tina hard, if that counts for anything._

_Blaine, don't do anything stupid. I love you._

_Please, Blaine. Answer me. I'm scared._

_I want to hug you and not ever let go, okay? If you don't want to talk to me, get Sam to text me or something, I don't mind. I just want to know you're alright. I'm a whole lot worried and a whole lot missing you._

Even in the misty haze of all the hurt and embarrassment he feels, he can't survive knowing that Kurt is worrying about him. From the very beginning, he hid things away from Kurt, the deep dark secrets that no one knew, the past that he so desperately wanted to separate himself from. Bits and pieces have emerged over the years, through tears, shaky breaths and slumped postures. The darkest part, the moment that Blaine is most protective of, spilled out of him one rainy day around fourteen months ago.

-X-X-X-

_"What's this?" Kurt's holding up a hospital wristband. They're in the process of tidying Blaine's room up, and Kurt has manages to locate something Blaine had hoped would never be mentioned._

_"Uh, it's from my stay in hospital." It's not a lie, but Blaine feels guilty saying it. Kurt tugs him down to sit by him on the bed, and stares into Blaine's eyes._

_"From Sadie Hawkins?" Kurt asks, expecting the answer to be an easy 'yes', expecting them to move on to more cheerful conversation._

_"Not exactly." Blaine's annoyed at himself for not being able to lie to Kurt this time, or ever. Something happens to him when he's staring into those beautiful ocean-blue eyes, and his ability to hide the truth just evaporates._

_"Oh. Can I ask what it was for?" Kurt drops the wristband onto the bed and takes Blaine's hands in his own. "Blaine?"_

_"Sorry, I just, I…" Blaine stumbles over his words. This shouldn't be happening._

_"Hey, hey, Blaine," Kurt urges as he squeezes his hands. "It's okay, it's alright. You're gonna be alright." His voice is so quiet and calming that it brings Blaine to tears. "What's wrong?"_

_"I, I don't want you to know." Kurt looks taken aback and Blaine realizes that it came out wrong. "I mean, I don't w-want you to know why I was in h-hospital."_

_Kurt sighs. "Listen to me, okay? I want you to feel comfortable telling me. If that isn't possible right now, that's okay. You can tell me some other -"_

_"No, no. If I, I don't tell you now, I'm not sure I ever w-will." It's evident from the way Blaine's shaking that this is so much bigger than both of them._

_"Okay. Okay," Kurt says, entirely unsure of how to continue. "How do you want this to work?"_

_"I was in hospital because I tried to kill myself." It comes out in a rush and Kurt's just kind of staring and not saying anything and oh no, this is exactly what Blaine didn't want to happen. He wants to backtrack, ignore the wristband and shrug it off as a simple operation or whatever, anything that's easier to explain than this. "I'm sorry, I didn't- I can't, no. I just, Kurt," he breathes, voice frantic for Kurt to say something, and tone pleading for acceptance from the one person who has the power to break him completely. "I love you and I hate myself for telling you that, I do, but please, say something."_

_Kurt's silent for a little bit longer before he looks up at Blaine with tear-filled eyes. "You, you tried to c-commit suicide?" His voice catches badly on the last word but Blaine understands._

_He nods slowly, carefully, praying to anyone and everyone that his boyfriend won't be repulsed by his haunting past._

_"Blaine, oh God Blaine." Kurt's hands are on his face, on his jaw, rubbing his cheekbones and gripping tightly. "Jesus."_

_Blaine shudders with the feeling of Kurt touching him when he feels so vulnerable. It's happened before, of course it has, but this time is new. Blaine's peeled away the final layer of himself and Kurt's seeing him truly for the first time._

_It feels a lot like relief, like a weight's been lifted off him, but it feels more like inane fear._

_Before Blaine can communicate anything else, Kurt's kissing him. The hands are now in his hair, and Kurt's lips are desperate and almost attacking. His tongue slips into Blaine's mouth and Kurt moans, soft and breathless._

_When they pull back, only for need of oxygen, they're both panting and damp from tears. Kurt rests his forehead on Blaine's and reaches down to hold his hands between their bodies._

_"Blaine, Blaine, my beautiful gorgeous perfect Blaine," Kurt whispers, pecking him on the lips once more. "I love you like nothing else."_

_"I love you too," he says quietly, voice rough and scratchy._

_"I feel physically ill knowing that something made you feel so bad that dying was the only option left. Even saying it now," he trails off. "It makes me want to scream."_

_"I'm sorry," Blaine replies, because what else can he say? He's pretty sure he's going to spend the rest of his life apologizing for this whole mess._

_"For what?" Kurt asks, squeezing his hands._

_"I don't know, Kurt," he says, exasperated. Suddenly, he's very tired and fed up of talking. "Everything."_

_"Well then, you have nothing to apologize for because everything between you and me is perfect." Blaine chuckles, and he can't help it as a tear falls down his cheek. Just a single one, and he doesn't even know why. Kurt reaches for his face and wipes it away, pressing their lips together for a chaste and long kiss. Blaine allows his breathing to even out, and for the first time since he told Kurt, he feels okay._

_As they separate, Kurt takes his boyfriend's face in his hands, holding it securely so that he knows Blaine understands how serious he is when he says, "Don't you dare ever, ever try to end your life again."_

_Blaine shakes his head and smiles. Kurt doesn't hate him and this is good. "I won't, I won't. I love you and I have you now-"_

_"Hang on. Sure, you've got me and I'm not going anywhere, but what if we're not together - wait," he says to Blaine's attempt to interrupt. "Be it a separation of hearts, of distance, of opinions, whatever. You can't just go straight into that mindset again. I couldn't cope with that."_

_"I won't, I promise-"_

_"Don't promise that, promise me that you'll ring me or text me or email me or whatever, just that you'll tell me that you're having problems and I'll help you, whether you're with me or not."_

_Blaine nods and whispers, "I promise," before surrendering to Kurt's lips all over again, as they seek out every single way to try to eradicate those feelings for good._

-X-X-X-

They'd spent that night wrapped up in each other, almost scared to let go. Kurt was clingy for a while afterwards, but Blaine understood. Having him there almost constantly was nice. Of course, the more intricate details had come in time. The how, the when, the why. The last part was hardest for Blaine, having to voice his biggest fears in such a way so that Kurt could understand. It was hard, he's not going to lie. It was the hardest thing he's ever done.

Saying that, being without Kurt is pretty damn terrible too.

That's why, when his phone rings again, he picks up. He can't let Kurt worry about him doing something irreversible. Blaine knows exactly how freaked out he gets, and he can't let that happen, no matter what has gone on in the day.

"Hi, Kurt."

 _"Blaine, oh my God. You're okay."_ Exactly as Blaine had predicted, Kurt sounds beside himself.

"I'm fine," he replies.

_"Thank you for answering, I know you're probably really mad at me right now."_

Blaine thinks it over, and answers truthfully. "I'm not mad."

_"What?"_

"I said, I'm not mad at you," he repeats, and then breathes out.

_"Oh. Are you okay?"_

Blaine pauses and thinks. He hasn't been awake for long, but if earlier was anything to go by, he's the opposite of okay. "I'm not sure."

There's a rustle on the other side and then Kurt's back. "Can we FaceTime or something? I know you didn't want to before but I need to see you, and I want to discuss this face-to-face. Unfortunately, right now, this is the best option we've got."

Blaine doesn't stop to think, he just agrees and hangs up. He's doing his absolute best not to cry and he doesn't know if seeing Kurt's face is going to help or hinder his cause.

Maybe a little of both.

He accepts the call from Kurt and suddenly, he's there. His hair's all floppy and he looks tired, but he's still inexplicably gorgeous. Blaine's breath is taken away for a second.

"Hey there," he says.

_"Hi, Blaine. You look kinda sad."_

"Thanks," Blaine jokes, but Kurt doesn't laugh. He doesn't even smile.

 _"What's happened to us?"_ he says, and he sounds horrendously remorseful. _"When did we become this estranged couple who survive off rumors that bitter hags create?"_ Blaine can't help himself - he chuckles at that, but again, Kurt doesn't flinch.

"I don't know, Kurt. I really don't know."

 _"I know you're not okay, Blaine. I'm not stupid."_ His voice is higher than usual, and he looks completely overwhelmed with everything. Blaine just wants to hug him even more now, and this, _this_ is why they didn't video chat before – Blaine's missing of his fiancé extends to uncontrollable levels.

"I'm just glad you're still talking to me." Kurt's face turns into one of shock.

_"Why would I not talk to you? I **love** you, Blaine, always." _

"You must have heard what happened today, Kurt. I thought you hated my emails and my packages, but most of all, I thought you hated _me_." Dammit, he's crying again but he can't help it. He still doesn't know where he stands, what the slightly pixelated face on the screen thinks of him. In a small voice, he continues. "I've spent the past few hours trying to figure out how to survive without you again."

 _"Blaine,"_ Kurt breathes. _"Stop it. I don't hate you or any of your love letters or gifts. I love them all."_ Blaine's heart stops when he hears that. _"But I love **you** , too. What happened today was a game of Chinese Whispers ending up at my beautiful fiancé thinking he wasn't good enough. I'm not afraid to say this to you, or to anyone that asks: I currently hate Tina Cohen-Chang. What she did today was cold, heartless and downright mean and nasty. When I see her next, God help me, I'll-"_

"Kurt!" Blaine interrupts, smiling. Kurt smiles then, too, and it's broad and genuinely happy-looking, and Blaine thinks it's the most beautiful thing he's ever seen.

 _"Sorry,"_ he says as he laughs. _"I just really want to rip her head off right now."_

"Me too," Blaine admits.

_"Please don't cry anymore, B. I hate seeing you sad. I want to hug you so much right now, you have no idea."_

"Trust me, I do have an idea." Blaine smiles, but it's small and wavering. There're a few moments of silence before Kurt speaks up.

_"I'm so sorry about what Tina did to you today."_

"It's not your fault," Blaine says quietly, but there's still a part of him nagging that Kurt must've told someone about his declarations of love, and either he's flat-out lying to him or someone's gotten confused and –

 _"Hey,"_ Kurt says. _"Stop going all analytical with your thoughts. I know you,"_ he answers in reply to Blaine's quirked eyebrows. _"Let me explain what happened as best as I can, okay?"_

Blaine nods, and listens. Kurt tells him that Santana was constantly asking all sorts of weird questions about the mysterious parcels that kept appearing in the mailbox, and that he eventually caved in and told her all about his beautifully brilliant fiancé and his extremely thoughtful gifts and emailed love letters (Blaine blushes furiously at that). From what Kurt can gather, she must've told Rachel and opinions got mixed in somewhere, somehow becoming fact. Santana told Sam over the phone (Kurt still can't figure out why they're talking to each other, but still), and then Sam then must have spoken to Tina about it, complete with a load of lies and fake ideas, and all of the above results in Blaine's pain.

 _"Or,"_ Kurt says, slightly breathless, _"Rachel and Santana and Sam told the story just as I told them, and Tina made up all the stuff about me hating it."_

Blaine takes a moment to process all the information he's just received. There are still a few things that don't add up, things he need to ask before he can start to feel a little more okay again.

Kurt must notice, because he asks. _"Baby? What's troubling you?"_

"I don't understand," he says. He can feel himself getting teary again, and he doesn't want that. He's oh-so-tempted to press the end call button because this feels like too much; he can't ignore the burning questions running around his head, making him feel far too agitated and anxious. The voice is back, telling him that Kurt's lying, that he does in fact hate all the gestures he's made, that he's only trying to placate Blaine for his own benefit.

 _"Blaine? Talk to me,"_ Kurt pleads.

"It all makes sense," Blaine whispers. Kurt visibly relaxes, but sits up straight when he sees a tear fall from Blaine's eye. "What Tina said, it makes sense. I am being too clingy and I'm clogging up your inbox, and I'm desperate and alone and _sad_ and you have every right to be annoyed with me because-"

 _"Shut. Up. Now. That's it, stop talking – nada,"_ Kurt's voice is strong, even though the connection is jittery at best. _"Blaine Anderson, you are my fiancé. You're my strong, beautiful, talented fiancé who I love with everything I have, everything I've ever had and everything I will ever have."_ Blaine's crying again, but not because he's sad – because he's got the greatest guy on Earth declaring his love for him right on this screen and it feels all kinds of unreal. _"You are the best thing to ever happen to me, and what happened today is absolutely no reflection of how I feel about you or the amazing things you've been doing for me recently. Yes, to begin with, I might have expressed annoyance at not being able to find my work stuff, but not because I was annoyed with your emails, because I hadn't organized my inbox and it was full of spam and Rachel harassing me and NYADA assignments and loads of stuff. Not you. Your emails are the best things in there, I swear. And your packages? They're the most meaningful things I've ever received in the mail. I love them all. I re-read your letters all the time, whenever missing you is almost too much to handle. So, Blaine Anderson,"_ he points at the camera and at Blaine, _"I love you and I need you to ignore whatever your head is telling you and trust this."_ He taps his chest, right where his heart is. _"My heart beats for you, Blaine."_

Blaine sniffles, looks down, and then locks eyes with Kurt (well, the Kurt on his screen). "I love you. I don't mean to doubt you or what we have, I really don't, I just, I-"

_"I get it, don't worry."_

"I'm sorry, and I, I love you." With the backs of his hands, Blaine wipes his eyes. "I'm not crying anymore today, nuh-uh. I'm all cried out."

 _"That makes me sad,"_ Kurt says, pouting. His little face is so adorable that it has Blaine in stitches. Kurt joins in, and they're laughing and just for a while, everything's okay and the distance doesn't matter.

-X-X-X-

They Skype until Blaine falls asleep. It's a lot less dramatic after their aptly named 'Giggle Therapy', and they both make sure the other is feeling better before allowing sleep. Kurt blows kisses at Blaine and Blaine returns them with hugs to his entire iPad. They pose for silly screenshots, which are then set as each other's respective wallpapers.

It's all these little things that get them through the remaining weeks.

-X-X-X-

WEEK SIX

-X-X-X-

On Saturday, Burt calls. Blaine sees his number on the phone ID and furrows his eyebrows. He knows Kurt's home number off-by-heart, and it's obviously not him on the other end. With a deep breath in, he presses answer and says in a tone which can only be described as _terrified_ , "Hello?"

"Jeez Blaine, don't sound so scared. It's me." Blaine breathes a sigh of relief. Burt Hummel's voice comes down the phone line and eases his nerves tenfold.

"Hi there, Mr. Hummel, how are you?" He plants himself onto a stool at the breakfast bar and waits for a response. There's some shuffling and clanking in the background, but then his voice is back.

"I'm doing alright, thanks; I do wanna talk to you though." _Uh-oh._ That sounds ominous.

"A-about what?"

"Nothing bad, I promise. Are you okay to stop by the shop after school on Monday?"

"Sure, that won't be a problem at all." Blaine's voice is a little shaky, and Burt can obviously notice.

"Don't panic, okay? I mean it, Blaine. I have absolutely nothing bad to say to you - quite the opposite, in fact." Blaine smiles at that, and says goodbye. He puts the phone down and shakes his head. _No point worrying._

-X-X-X-

Burt's working on a car when Blaine arrives. He's humming along to the latest Justin Timberlake hit, and Blaine chuckles.

"Didn't realize you were a Timberlake fan." Burt turns around and laughs.

"Well, I'm not. But, that song is catchy and it's on the radio all the time, so…"

"I understand," Blaine answers, passing him a rag to wipe his oily hands on.

"Right then, Blaine. You okay? Had a good day?" He walks around to another car and pops the bonnet up. Blaine's thankful – he's never done well talking to Burt Hummel eye-to-eye.

"I'm fine, and my day was fine, thanks. You?"

"I'm doing well, thank you. Right, these formalities – that's not why I asked you here. I could ask you all of this on the phone quite easily. I just wanted to make something clear to you." He turns to face him now, and motions towards a stool near the wall. Blaine puts himself on it, and places his satchel on his lap. Burt stands in front of him and smiles.

"Should I, er, be scared?" Blaine asks.

"No, not at all. Listen, Blaine. I like you. You're a good kid and your heart is in the right place. You and Kurt, well. I know this distance thing has been real tough on you both. I know that Kurt isn't the most open about how he feels, and from what he's told me, you're even worse." Blaine chuckles at that, and looks down. "What I'm trying to say here is that he's not the only person you can talk to about how you're feeling. I know your folks aren't around that much, so I'm offering, well, _telling_ you that Carole and I are, you know, here. If you want to talk.

"I understand that it could be weird. Talking to your boyfriend, sorry, _fiancé's,_ dad about his son or whatever, but I don't mind, and neither does Carole. We both agree that you're more than just Kurt's partner; you're a part of the family. From that day you told me to educate him on … things, you've been a valued and respected voice in our home. I don't want that to change, ever. I really do like you, Blaine. I think you're a very talented and kind young man, and I will never be able to thank you enough for what you've done for Kurt." It's at this point that Blaine starts to tear up. This is someone who doesn't have to like him, someone who chooses to. This is Burt freaking Hummel – Kurt's _dad_ – telling him that he's thankful for him. It's a whole lot crazy and a whole lot heartwarming and _damn,_ Blaine's so fed up of crying (but happy tears can be excused).

"Don't you get soppy on me, Anderson. My son is a great person, but I was so worried about him for a long time. But, then you came along and he changed. He'd never been truly happy before you, I hope you know that. You made his life so much better and I can only say thank you for that. And, don't worry. He's absolutely moony over your emails and presents, and I almost can't make him shut up about them." Blaine breathes a sigh of relief. Of course he trusts Kurt and what he said, but to hear it like this, in such a concrete form, it's very reassuring.

"Burt, I – I don't know what to say. Thank you for that, I, wow." He takes a deep breath before continuing. "I love Kurt a lot, and I have no intention of going anywhere; so, if that was all true, I'll be around for a while."

"Oh damn, thought it would've finally gotten rid of you," Burt jokes, patting Blaine on the shoulder. They both laugh, and then share a moment of silence. "Come on, you can help me fix these cars up now you're here. Overalls are – wait, you already know that."

Blaine wanders off to get changed, and Burt looks after him, smiling. _Kurt picked a good one._

-X-X-X-

Blaine makes a point of not talking to Tina. He doesn't want to have to listen to her apologies for something that never should have been said in the first place. She approaches him on a few occasions, remorse evident on her face, but he ignores her and walks away. A part of him thinks that it's too harsh, but an even bigger part then reminds him that she made him feel the worst he's felt in a very long time. He sticks with Sam and Ryder, who is surprisingly easy to talk to and have fun with. He's spent the majority of his weekend gaming with them, throwing popcorn at Sam's younger siblings and watching cheesy eighties movies on the DVR. It's simple and fun and easy, and he's just so easy to get along with. He really doesn't understand why they weren't friends before.

Marley and Jake approach Blaine on Tuesday. They ask how he is, if he and Kurt are okay. He smiles at them, thanks them for their concern and informs them that they're never better.

Just as he's walking away, he gets a text.

_I love you._

Blaine's typing out a reply when he gets another message.

_Missing your kisses a lot right now._

He smiles and ducks into an empty classroom to ring his fiancé. They chat for fifteen minutes about random stuff, but at the end, Kurt's voice goes a little breathy when he says, _"I dreamt about you last night."_

Blaine splutters and replies with an over-the-top romantic comment about how he dreams of Kurt all the time. They arrange to Skype in the evening, and Blaine is pretty sure that there won't be any deep conversations going on. Kurt confirms this when he whispers over a static connection, _"I'll be sure to be completely alone. Do the same, okay?"_

-X-X-X-

WEEK SEVEN

-X-X-X-

Kurt has some kind of internally moderated exam on their seventh week of separation by distance. He rings Blaine every day (or Blaine rings him – they manage to organize a schedule for phone dates) and it's the only thing he never mentions; that's how Blaine knows he's so stressed about it – it's important enough that if he talks to Blaine about it, it becomes a real thing and Kurt will _freak_ then.

Blaine wouldn't even have known about the exam from his and Kurt's conversations. Rachel messages him and tells him, in no uncertain terms, to 'tell Kurt he's going to pass his midterm with flying colors and that his stressing is giving me headaches, which I definitely can't have during rehearsals.' Rachel's ability to make her texts sound exactly like her (sometimes whiny) voice never ceases to amaze Blaine.

Over a late-night Skype session, Blaine mentions it. He knows that he's shocked Kurt because he suddenly starts backtracking, explaining that he wasn't keeping a secret, _he wasn't_ , just that he's worried and nervous and-

"Kurt," Blaine says. "One word - breathe."

They spend the evening going over some questions that might come up, and Blaine learns a lot about the very origins of theatre. Obviously, it's mostly stuff he's heard of before, but the detail and passion that Kurt pours into his answers is evident. Blaine can't help but smile and look at him (through a screen, of course) adoringly.

_They're getting married and they're going to be together forever and everything is beautiful (especially Kurt)._

-X-X-X-

WEEK EIGHT

-X-X-X-

Eighth week sees their roles reversed – Blaine has exams and Kurt doesn't.

_"Hey, Blaine. You're going to do fine, and if you don't, it's not the end of the world. There are other options. Your life does not depend on what grades you get, no matter what a somewhat scary guidance counselor might tell you. It's all good. **We're** all good."_

-X-X-X-

"Kurt?"

_"Yeah?"_

"Two weeks." His face radiates happiness, his smile _shines_ and he squeals – full on squeals. This, _this,_ is why people say the world is more beautiful when in love: your other half is the most beautiful thing to ever grace the entirety of the planet.

-X-X-X-

WEEK NINE

-X-X-X-

Not much happens in their penultimate week of separation – just a whole lot of counting down and anticipation and not really observing what goes on in their actual lives, just waiting. Always waiting.

-X-X-X-

WEEK TEN

-X-X-X-

Kurt's flying to Ohio for Blaine's graduation and to see his Dad and Carole again. His flight leaves at ten in the morning on Sunday, and he should be landed in Columbus for around eleven-thirty, if everything goes smoothly. The plan is that he's staying until Blaine flies out for good (NYADA finished for summer last week). The next time that Kurt gets on a plane, it'll be hand in hand with his fiancé, and their destination will be a life together in New York City.

It's almost too good to be true.

Blaine goes to see Burt after school on Friday afternoon. He makes himself look presentable and practices what he's going to say before stepping out the car. Burt's waiting for him, his arm around Carole.

"We were just about to place bets on when you were gonna stop talking to yourself and actually come see us," Burt laughs. Carole steps forward and hugs him.

"Sorry, I, well, er-"

"We've been expecting you, Blaine. Don't get nervous now." Burt looks down at him and smiles. "What is it that you want?"

"Okay, well. I'd really, really appreciate it if you would let me pick Kurt up from the airport tomorrow. I know it's late notice and maybe you've made plans already, but I, um-"

"No." Burt's voice is solid. Blaine's breath catches.

"Okay. Should I come over when he's back then? Or, do you want me to get here and wait for you to bring him back?" He's shuffling on his feet, fingers rubbing his palms. He's not sure he can wait any longer than necessary to see Kurt.

"God, Burt. You really are a bully sometimes," Carole says, smacking him on the arm. Burt starts laughing as he walks inside, and she turns to the fidgeting teenager stood on her drive.

"Of course you can fetch him, Blaine. We'd already assumed you would be; Burt's just messing with you. Kurt's staying at yours tomorrow night, too." She smiles and hugs him again. He leans against her a little, breathing heavily. It's a testament to how much tomorrow means to him – waiting another hour to see Kurt almost made him cry (again, oh God).

"Oh, that's good," is all he says. No other words seem to fit how he feels.

"Don't worry honey, I understand plenty." Carole smiles warmly at her and leads him inside. They all sit around the TV watching pre-recorded Buckeyes games and drinking coffee, cold from them all forgetting about their cups and talking instead. It's nice and homely and Blaine wouldn't change it for the world. Okay, that's a lie. He'd add a five-foot-ten-and-a-bit beautiful musical theatre enthusiast with a liking for fashion right next to him, holding his hand.

There, perfect.

-X-X-X-

It's early when Blaine wakes up, and the first thing he does is clean his teeth and put some breath mints into his car. He knows that he's not going to get much sleep tonight, so he went to bed a little earlier than usual. Plus, Kurt is expecting Burt at the airport today (!); the result of a carefully constructed plan between the elder Hummel and himself, and he's pretty sure there's going to be a lot of kissing involved. The fresh breath always makes Kurt smile, so the mints are a given.

Once Blaine is dressed and drinking coffee, he takes a moment to just think. It's _today_. All the pain and the loneliness and the ache of not having Kurt here will be gone in less than six hours. Very soon (compared to ten weeks, anyway), his beautiful other half will be physically beside him once more. That thought alone makes him smile like an excited five year old. Kurt's always beside him and Blaine's always beside Kurt, but today, they can hold each other and kiss each other and slam the other up against a wall because wow, ten weeks is a long time to not kiss Kurt.

He just really, really needs him now. Like, a lot. He really takes his hat off to couples whose relationships are more distance than closeness, because he couldn't do that. Having Kurt to wake up next to is a feeling that can't be done justice with words, so he won't even try. Happiness is shared by smiles that turn into kisses, jumping around together and spinning the other around in the air; sadness is quashed by long hugs, slow kisses and holding hands. Blaine can't imagine not being able to do that. Well, he can. He's just had ten weeks of it, and it was _not_ fun.

But today, today is when it ends. Today is when he gets his Kurt back to hold between his hands and kiss breathless, and his body is vibrating with impatience.

-X-X-X-

Blaine's an hour early to the airport. He couldn't sit around watching the clock for any longer, so he just got in the car and drove. He's spent most of his time finding presents for Kurt – well, more to add to the pile. A charming lady directed him to a small café that apparently serves 'the best coffee in this whole damned state', so he sits in there and orders a cappuccino. The lady is not mistaken – this stuff is good. He'll bring Kurt here later.

Every so often, he checks the arrivals board. When the 10:02 NYC flight pings up as 'landed', Blaine almost knocks his coffee over with his little jump of joy. He takes his cup to the counter and walks to the arrivals lounge, smiling the whole way.

_Kurt's within walking distance, on Ohio soil. He's here._

_Finally._

-X-X-X-

The population of cheesy cardboard holders gets another member when Blaine buys some markers and writes a hasty nametag for Kurt. Not that he needs one, but still. Why the hell not?!

His message reads: _Mr Anderson-Hummel_ with a love heart at the end. He knows that Ohio isn't accepting of his orientation, but this is the freaking arrivals lounge and as 'Love Actually' says, you can see that love is all around. Blaine stands tall and proud and holds his sign with dignity.

Suddenly, people start coming around the corner. Some people run to their families, some walk off in search of the exit and a long hot bath, Blaine imagines. As soon as Kurt's walking around, pushing his luggage cart and looking around, Blaine smiles so big that his cheeks hurt. He stands, resists the urge to run up to him movie-style, and grins even larger when Kurt spots him and runs with the cart.

The cart stops in front of him and Blaine puts the sign on there just in time to wrap him up in what is probably the biggest hug anyone's given someone else _ever_. Kurt grips his shirt tightly, constantly pulling them closer together. Blaine's overwhelmed and somewhere he started crying and he's annoyed; he promised himself he wouldn't do this. Kurt pulls away a little, resting his hands on Blaine's hips, rubbing circles there. He looks at him and laughs, smiles.

"Hi there," he says bashfully, moving a hand up to Blaine's cheek. It rests there for a moment, the pair staring deep into each other's eyes, before Kurt closes his eyes and moves towards him. Their lips meet and it's slow and messy and God, so good. Blaine puts his hand on the back of Kurt's head, trails it down until it reaches the bottom of his back. They kiss for a while (neither knows how long and neither cares) and it's so damn fucking brilliant to be able to do this again. _Kurt's here._

They pull away and rest their foreheads together, breathing each other's air. Blaine steps back a little and wipes his eyes, laughing at his ridiculous inability to control his tear ducts. He looks down at the ground and squeezes Kurt's hand tightly. He hopes it conveys everything he wants to say.

They stand there in silence, just holding each other and breathing, until it's broken.

"You look beautiful," Kurt murmurs.

Blaine scoffs. "Don't be silly! I look like a red and puffy _not_ -hot mess."

Kurt giggles at that and kisses him on the lips again. "But you're here with me, and you're _my_ red and puffy _totally_ hot mess. And," he adds in hushed tones, leaning in closer, "you look beautiful." He presses their lips together and the world is completely and utterly perfect.

Blaine suggests that they get him a drink and some food, and leads him over to the coffee shop he vacated not so long ago. As they sit down, Kurt picks up Blaine's sign and giggles. "I didn't even see this! I was too busy wondering why my Dad suddenly looked like my very attractive fiancé." And _wow_ , Blaine will never tire of hearing Kurt call him that. "Is that what we're going with? Anderson-Hummel?"

"I'm not sure. I was just going to write 'Mr. Anderson', but then I remembered that you wanted to double barrel so I shoved Hummel on the end," he explains with a chuckle. Kurt flicks his arm and sighs, taking a sip of the cappuccino that the waitress brought over.

"I missed you so much, Blaine. So much." Blaine's getting teary again (dammit), and Kurt's stroking his knuckles like he could do it all day long and never tire. Blaine's too busy staring at Kurt's extremely gorgeous face to answer. "What are we doing for the rest of the day?"

"Your dad gave me permission, as crazy as that sounds, to have you all to myself for today and tonight. I've got school tomorrow, so we'll have to figure that out." Kurt smiles and kisses his hand. "I'm just so glad you're here with me again, Kurt. I, jeez – I love you so much."

"I love you, beautiful." Kurt leans across and kisses him, and Blaine will never get bored of that feeling, of Kurt's lips upon his own. It's the most addictive drug and the best anxiety medication that anyone could ever prescribe. One kiss and Blaine's breathing properly, thinking rationally (most of the time) and focusing on one thing (Kurt). It's perfect. Kurt's perfect.

After a while, an elderly couple sits in the table beside them. Kurt smiles and says hello, and they start talking. Blaine doesn't know any more about them after they leave than he did when he'd never seen them before. He spent the entire conversation looking at Kurt, getting to know the planes of his face again, and familiarizing himself with the way his fiancé's fingers loop around his own, committing the feeling to memory, just in case all of this is a dream and Blaine's still stuck in Week One of separation.

It's not, though. Blaine's never felt more alive than he does right now.

-X-X-X-

They stay in the airport for an hour, basking in the feeling of togetherness that they've both missed so much. After loading Kurt's luggage into the back of the car, Blaine goes to throw away the sign. Kurt grabs his wrist and spins him around.

"Don't," he whispers into his ear. "I want to keep this forever." Blaine smiles shyly and grips his hand tightly as Kurt opens his door for him. They share a sweet kiss, and to finish it off, Blaine kisses Kurt's forehead.

"Kurt Hummel, I am so ridiculously in love with you right now."

Once he's in the car, Kurt takes his hand over the console and squeezes. "The feeling's mutual, baby."

-X-X-X-

They spend the afternoon kissing and doing … stuff. There are a lot of people-shaped dents in the wall, and Kurt may or may not have a neck covered in love bites. Yes, love bites, not hickeys. Plus the sound he makes when Blaine's sucking his neck hard enough to bruise… Anyone would be an idiot not to do it again.

-X-X-X-

In the morning, Kurt wakes Blaine with a closed-mouth kiss with becomes open-mouthed and frisky almost too-quickly. They spent the entire night wrapped up in one another, and there was an embarrassingly long period of time where they just lay, staring at each other and being completely silent. It was like their first time; discovering each other's bodies in a whole new way is never tiring.

Kurt brings breakfast, and they feed it to each other. Blaine is pretty certain that their time together is straight out of a cheesy rom-com, but he loves every single second nonetheless.

Blaine's not happy about going to school. He wants to spend every minute he possibly can in Kurt's arms, and he can't do that whilst sat in Algebra.

"This is your last week at school, Blaine. You're not missing any of it for me. I'll be here when you get back, alright? Go and have fun." Kurt's teasing him with his cocky smile because he knows exactly how much Blaine wants to kiss him when he does that.

"But, how? You're here and I'm there and this, it feels a lot like separation too quickly." Kurt gathers him up in his arms then, smiles are his pouty face.

"B, stop it. I'm here, aren't I?" He rubs Blaine's hands, conveying his message physically. "I'll text you throughout the day like I have been doing, then I'll pick you up tonight and we'll go for dinner somewhere. Just, go to school for me and have a great week with all your friends before it's too late." Blaine nods reluctantly, and kisses Kurt long and hard.

"Hold my hand as I drive?" he asks, feeling a lot like a needy pathetic toddler.

"Always, Blaine. Don't have to ask."

-X-X-X-

Blaine's day is … strange. He falls back easily into the role of missing Kurt and feeling like he's alone. It's irrational, because he knows that Kurt is visiting his dad and that he'll see him again soon but he can't help it. It's like a little bit of distance sends him spiraling back into the black hole of no-Kurt-near-me.

It's the reason why his voice stutters when Kurt asks how he is. "I-I'm f-fine."

Kurt sits straight up on his dad's sofa and holds up a finger when Burt asks what's wrong. With a small shake of his head, he leaves the room and paces around his old bedroom. "No, you're not. What's happened?"

"N-nothing, Kurt. I'm g-good." Blaine can't get his words out properly and he feels like an idiot.

"Blaine, stop. What's wrong?"

"Kurt," he breathes, closing his eyes as he does. "You are in Ohio, right? I didn't dream the whole thing."

"Of course I'm here, baby," Kurt soothes, fear tightening on him. "Do you need me to come and see you?"

"No, no. That's okay. I'm o-okay, I promise. I l-love you, Kurt."

"And I love you, Blaine." As he hangs up, Kurt's stomach does an uneasy flip and Blaine's breath catches.

-X-X-X-

It's Glee club tonight. Blaine was going to skip it, but Kurt made him promise he'd go. It's not like he can get home anyway – Kurt's got his car.

When he walks into the choir room, it's like someone takes a hammer to his knees, because he starts to fall. Kurt's stood there, right in front of him, talking to Mr. Schue. Strong arms wrap around him and he sinks into them, breathing deeply. Luckily, Blaine's the first one there and so no one laughs or could tell stories of how he nearly collapsed at the sight of his fiancé.

Kurt's whispering things into his hair and Mr. Schue is there too, placing a gentle hand on Blaine's back.

"You okay, buddy?" Blaine just nods, and Kurt pulls him closer, holds him tighter.

"It's alright, Blaine. I'm here." He just shakes and breathes strangely and inhales Kurt, because he's here and Blaine's gone a little crazy without him.

-X-X-X-

Kurt takes him home straight after their reunion; they agree to put their dinner plans on hold for the time-being. Blaine's always touching him – hand to hand, shoulder to shoulder. It's horrible to watch his fiancé fall apart like this, and Kurt wonders how Blaine _really_ was during their weeks apart if this is how he gets when Kurt's near him.

Blaine's unusually small – not in size, in posture – as they walk into his house. He grips his hand painfully tight when Kurt turns to go to the car. "It's okay, Blaine. I'm just getting your bag." He lets him go, but he's stood there watching the whole time, almost as if he's scared that turning away for just one second will turn Kurt to dust for good.

As soon as the bag's down, Kurt envelops Blaine within his arms and just holds him. It's been too long, he knows that. The distance has taken its toll on them both, and he's sure many heart-wrenching discussions are on their way. It's damn hard being apart from the one you love.

"Never, ever leave me for that long again," Blaine rushes out, terrified at the thought of having to survive without his fiancé again.

"Never," Kurt whispers into his hair. "Never, I promise you."

They stand there, in the middle of Blaine's living room, gripping onto each like the whole world may fall apart if they let go.

And for them, it just might.


End file.
